Imagine my surprise when I realized I was a leader. For much of my life I thought leadership was a role or a title. I thought it was about creating goals for an organization or telling people where to go. A few years ago, I discovered that the most important person I would ever lead is me. I am a leader, and I have a primary audience of one: myself.
Imagine my surprise when I realized I was a leader. For much of my life I thought leadership was a role or a title. I thought it was about creating goals for an organization or telling people where to go. A few years ago, I discovered that the most important person I would ever lead is me. I am a leader, and I have a primary audience of one: myself.
About five years ago, a man who would become my friend, Jamie, asked me a simple, yet profound question: 'What if your thoughts were wired to a lighted sign for everyone to see?' He also asked if I spoke to people, I loved the way I spoke to myself. I realized I was my own worst critic, a stream of negativity and lies playing on a billboard only I could see. Jamie taught me that most of what we tell ourselves isn't true—it's just a narrative we accept.
It’s important to note that the person that taught me these things is now my friend but at the time he was my leadership coach. At first, I didn’t trust him, I don’t trust many people. Because when I was a kid, the person I should have been able to trust the most, committed horrific betrayals. Trusting people means giving them the ability to hurt you.
Trusting Jamie, and eventually myself and then others, was a pivotal step toward true leadership. I learned that one of the greatest gifts I can give is trust. It’s a risk, yes—I still get hurt sometimes. But I've found that most people will rise to the level of trust you extend to them. By leading myself with grace and honesty, I've found I can lift others with that same grace. This is the leadership I now bring to my work and my community.
I went to his classes because someone else needed his classes. I was just attending to support them. That was a lie. I needed his class more than I ever knew. I needed to learn to share, to listen, to trust. I needed to heal and gain self-worth. I needed someone to show me how out of balance my life was, to take time for myself. I needed to be reminded and granted permission to make mistakes and to move on from them a wiser person. I needed to know that the lies and the ugliness I told myself was soul destroying and didn’t serve me. I needed another friend.
Of course, I’m still human and still struggling, and I’m ok with that. It seems I have a short memory and need to be reminded over and over again about the lessons I’ve learned. I extend more grace to myself and others. I continue to grow and to heal as I trust and reflect. I still hold leadership roles at work and in the community and I do my best to lead while at the same time realizing that I am my most important follower.